I’m in the Bomb Book, Now
Posted by LoriJun 7
I flew out of state to put on a workshop. All of my paints, my airbrush, carving tools. etc. were in my checked luggage.
It set off the bomb alarm in my airport.
So, now I’m standing there with my teeth in my face…and in the “special” line now (which really isn’t a line cuz I’M THE ONLY ONE IN IT), trying REALLY hard not to look guilty in front of the TSA guy while he’s unwrapping everything in my case. Even when I’ve done nothing wrong, it’s damned hard not to look like I HAVE done something wrong when buzzers and bells start ringing at 6:30 in the morning, causing about 500 pairs of eyes to simultaneously fix on me.
And what do I do when I want to appear innocent? (Ah, I can hear y’all who know me now…innocence lost a long time ago)…Start beebling…saying anything and everything that comes into my head to give the appearance of nonchalance…which accomplishes exactly the opposite…
“Gee, I don’t know why acrylic paints would be explosive…those are my brushes…flammable, but won’t blow up…oh, look there went a duck (as my eyes wander off to the window when he opens my undie bag)…that’s a $300.00 airbrush – only damage that will do is if I throw it at you…oh CRAP – just kidding…”
The bag did make it on, and there’s a little book with my name, address, driver’s license number, and occupation in it, all with a big red “NITRATES FOUND” stamp.
The bags made it through the initial check-in on the return trip, but apparently they set off another alarm somewhere in the nether regions of baggage handling…(so I guess now I’m in TWO books)…
When I got home, my bag had obviously been opened…a latch was broken, my bra was hanging out, but instead of putting it back in, they DUCT TAPED my suitcase shut – leaving one bra cup happily flopping about. When I opened the bag, I found that the TSA very helpfully put INSIDE the bag a tag warning (in TWO languages!) they found nitrates.
Uuuuhhhhh, so is it a warning to ME when I open my bag that it’s explosive?
“Gee, thanks SO MUCH for the warning, I almost lit a match while unpacking.”
2 comments
Comment by Dean on August 20, 2010 at 10:51 am
What is reality? Is it a singular plane of existence or is it a milieu of disparate localities/realities populated by individuals desperately trying to stamp their reality upon the other? One of these realities is Homeland Security and it bears little resemblance to the locality you and I find ourselves in.
I work in Homeland Security (DHS) but exist in another reality not unlike yours. DHS is hard for a liberal. I suppose I am simply “bought” because they pay me an obscene amount of money. Anyway, DHS rushes around trying to do good, defend the faith, and impress upon us worthy but ignorant souls that the world is populated by little but dangerous people oppressing the universe with their evil realities.
Really?
After watching DHS continuously tripping over themselves to heal the world and deliver us from evil, educating us to the depravity of all things un-American, the only lingering thoughts I have are: can’t we distinguish a harmless gifted artist and her helpful nitrates from a depraved single individual bringing a BOMB on board, immolating himself, and killing his fellows?
I guess not…
Comment by Dick Faulkner on April 15, 2011 at 12:40 pm
At least they only groped your underwear while it was not on your body. LOL what a lucky girl.