It’s been too long coming, but it has come. The realization that I feared my art, thus the reason for not creating. There are circumstances beyond my control that contributed to stepping away from the art…and I no longer felt the solace that it had given me in the past during times of difficulty. For the first time in my life, I feared being alone with myself – which is the paramount requirement for making art, and yet turned away form the very people who could nurture and encourage and empower me. I walked away from my tribe because I no longer felt I belonged – and because I walked away, I did, in fact, no longer belong.

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OK…here’s something I deal with almost every day while in the throes of making my art…I always seem to want to be wherever I’m not. It’s almost like the thought of doing whatever it is I’m not doing sounds better than whatever it is that I am doing. Most days, it’s relatively easy to resist putting down whatever I’m doing and trotting off. Other days…well, today was one of those “other days”…I trotted off.

I spent two hours in the yard and wishing I was in the studio. Fair ’nuff…leave the yard, go to studio. But once in the studio, I figured there just has to be some computer work that needs doing. So, I did that…all the while thinking how nice it would be to be back in the studio…so…back I go…

Man, some days, it’s a vicious circle. Just thought of something…my cats are the same way.

Thing is…the work isn’t being difficult…it’s the brain…

So…which is it…am I putting it off out of fear, or am I prolonging the pleasure of making the art? Sometimes it feels like both at the same time.

The few hours I had left on the piece turned into another all night session. All because my demon raised her ugly head again and convinced me I needed to “fix” some stuff.  I actually lost track of what day it was. Read the rest of this entry

Here’s something I’m curious about: The work is finished and I am happy with it…until it comes time to let go and send the piece off.

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Ever had one of those days where everything you touch turns to crap? Today was a day that shouldn’t have seen a paint brush. Everything was fine yesterday…the paintings were going well, and I left them for the day feeling satisfied. This morning I took one look and decided to do the thing I swear “I won’t do on the next one”…Tweak. Read the rest of this entry

I’m painting along and get to a spot that needs a very light hand…pretty thin lines and they need to be precise. All of a sudden, I realize I’m getting dizzy. Read the rest of this entry